Congratulations Marchers for Immigrant Rights!

On the rally that occurred in downtown Chicago on 3.10.2006, where thousands of patriotic Americans met to oppose HR 4437 Legislation.

Yes, today you marched and protested a bill that would further restrict illegal immigration. I know you oppose this bill because you love America! Don't listen to those jingoistic dickheads who are telling you that coming to this country "illegally" is wrong. (What does the word "illegal" even mean anyway when one is dealing with an important social issue like this?) I mean, you came to this country with the same wide-eyed idealistic vision of America as a land of opportunity just like the Krauts, Pollacks, Dagos and Micks of yore. You came to this country because in your heart you love the hell out of it! You have the American dream, and just like the immigrants of Ellis Island Past, you wanted to come here to find a better job, a better way of life, to learn the English language and become part of this melting pot! Heck, we know melting pots are good, that melting pots make a people and culture stronger, just like a steel alloy!

Okay, so unlike past immigrants, like my Dago Grandparents and great Grandparents, you are bit slow on the uptake in learning English. I'm optimistic though.

True, there are many in your community who have lived here for fifty or more years who still only know how to say, "No Hablo Ingles," but that's okay. You're just not used to all this opportunity and freedom.

Okay, so what if your American-Xenophobia makes you only stay in your communities, where you can get by forever without learning a lick of English. Those of you who go wait at Home Depot for your shitty paying day laborer jobs know enough English to survive: When the contractor shows up and says "Drywall," you raise your hand.

It really is okay because you love America so much. Well, actually, you seem to love your home country even more than America, which puzzles me because that's the place you wanted to escape. Hell, some of you climbed fences and paddled on rafts no bigger than a sardine cans to get here. Which is why I don't understand all the nationalistic pride for the lands you escaped from. Is it because the only thing America is to you is a paycheck? Nah. Couldn’t be. . . However, at the Illegal Immigrant Rights march today, I saw a multitude of Mexican flags and banners (one was even sewed onto ass of this hot chick's jeans) than American flags.

I'm third generation Greaseball myself. I do have a special place for Italy in my heart, but it's way deep down. Some of you are fifth generation, but you act like Mexico is the motherland of all motherlands. I don't want to live in Italy. Their electricity and infrastructure (the real "not for tourists" Italy mind you) sucks. Mexico? A glass of water with cholera will cost you extra pesos! Oh well. I'm probably just a naive Anglo who doesn't understand sensitive cultural issues like this. I wish I could, but that language barrier is hard to cross to build anything like "islands of understanding" across this great cultural gulf. I try so hard to take my blinders off and not be a pig-headed, crass American--my unearned guilt tells me that I should learn Spanish damn it!—but it’s just funny how I worry. I truly worry that America is becoming more and more Balkanized by the day, but this is probably just my paranoia.

Gosh. These worries are stupid. You go Mexicans and randomly tribal Eastern Europeans, etc., etc. (oh shit, the Balkans!). I know that we'll all get along right fine with time!

Oh, I almost forgot: FREE TIBET!