Fun With Yahoo! Bitch
I've been using the same Yahoo e-mail account for years. I've been happy with Yahoo mail, though I've been tempted by and am currently tinkering with a couple of Gmail accounts. Yahoo's service, however, has always been good. They're constantly making improvements to the system, and there isn't anything I can really complain about. . . except for the Yahoo! Bitch:
She's starting to drive me crazy. I thought she was kind of pretty the first thousand times I saw her when the Yahoo Mail page loaded. Now, she's evil like a wax dummy from a Twilight Zone episode. Everytime I hit the Yahoo Mail homepage, she's there, smiling at me like the fiendish marketing model money shot of an imp that she is. One would think that over time I would become desensitized to her presence.
One would think.
Unfortunately, she's like a toothache. With the passage of time, with every login, I become even more acutely aware of her. She never goes away. I think she eats her children.
She says:
Well, I say back to hell with you, Yahoo! Bitch. I don't have silver bullets or holy water or the eminently more powerful direct contacts with Yahoo's production staff to send you back to the unholy marketing hell from whence you sprang. I do have Photoshop, however. I had fun defiling the Yahoo! Bitch with my Adobe cross. Yes, I had way too much free time, but I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labors. The fruits begin somewhat benign and then get downright sick. Either way, again, I hope you enjoy:
Starting Simple: The child in me.
A little more advanced, but still juvenile (I loved doing this shit to magazines when I was a kid).
Ooh la-la!
Then I see the possibilities in her cropped head.
The Flowerpot.
Taking a break from the implicit hole in her head, we now have The Joker.
Then (I can't help myself), The Toilethead.
Pandora's Head-Box, Releasing Plagues and Sorrows on the World.
Finally, The Klingon.
Now when I say, "finally," I don't mean that I'm done. "Finally" signifies where good taste departs and the lizard brain in me started going wild. This is your final warning, but believe me, she deserved it.
Now we know why she's smiling.
What's on your mind? And face?
Floppy and Lactating.
In conclusion, I really think it's time for Yahoo! to update its e-mail login page.
She's starting to drive me crazy. I thought she was kind of pretty the first thousand times I saw her when the Yahoo Mail page loaded. Now, she's evil like a wax dummy from a Twilight Zone episode. Everytime I hit the Yahoo Mail homepage, she's there, smiling at me like the fiendish marketing model money shot of an imp that she is. One would think that over time I would become desensitized to her presence.
One would think.
Unfortunately, she's like a toothache. With the passage of time, with every login, I become even more acutely aware of her. She never goes away. I think she eats her children.
She says:
Well, I say back to hell with you, Yahoo! Bitch. I don't have silver bullets or holy water or the eminently more powerful direct contacts with Yahoo's production staff to send you back to the unholy marketing hell from whence you sprang. I do have Photoshop, however. I had fun defiling the Yahoo! Bitch with my Adobe cross. Yes, I had way too much free time, but I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labors. The fruits begin somewhat benign and then get downright sick. Either way, again, I hope you enjoy:
Starting Simple: The child in me.
A little more advanced, but still juvenile (I loved doing this shit to magazines when I was a kid).
Ooh la-la!
Then I see the possibilities in her cropped head.
The Flowerpot.
Taking a break from the implicit hole in her head, we now have The Joker.
Then (I can't help myself), The Toilethead.
Pandora's Head-Box, Releasing Plagues and Sorrows on the World.
Finally, The Klingon.
Now when I say, "finally," I don't mean that I'm done. "Finally" signifies where good taste departs and the lizard brain in me started going wild. This is your final warning, but believe me, she deserved it.
Now we know why she's smiling.
What's on your mind? And face?
Floppy and Lactating.
In conclusion, I really think it's time for Yahoo! to update its e-mail login page.
posted by Rant-N-Roll at 10:11 PM
19 Comments:
You are a sick fuck. Keep up the good work.
i think she's pretty hot as a klingon. i like a take-charge kind of gal.
I was with you all the way up until-GULP-the last few pictures. When the doctor offers, next time just say "YES" to the zoloft. . .
that is the funniest shit i have seen all month!
Goddamn that's funny. Carry on son.
You need to send this to Yahoo so they fire this bitch.
Holy shit, that's twisted and fucked up beyond all belief! I LOVED IT!
Thank you to those who have left comments so far. I am now actually taking requests: Any particular picture/media figure you want disfigured? Call on me. E-mail requests to rantnroll@gmail.com
Bye!
This WONDERFUL slam fest ended up being posted on Portland Oregon's Craigslist Rants & Raves section!!
Whoo hoo!!!
http://portland.craigslist.org/rnr/69211561.html
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! She annoys me too! Great job dude!
http://portland.craigslist.org/rnr/69211561.html
They are talking about this everyhwere!
can I just say you're AWESOME...
lolololololololol
--The End
hahahahaha!!! The joker picture is me on a Monday Morning. Send in the clowns... (on Prozac)
of course!
Got it off R&R, Craigs List, SF Bay Area.
This rocks
Yea, yahoo email rocks too........but why the hell can't they recycle new faces in. Like a little old lady saying, "now sunny, email is email and behave yourself or I'll twist your dick off"
Hotmail sucks
Big time
But you, dude, rock
This stuff is funny. Keep up the good work. Look forward to your other comments.
Fucking funny. I got this link from San Diego's Craigslist.
I've wondered about the half-headed yahoo beast, too. Thanks for the pictures.
Floppy and lactating - I'm even more attracted to her now! She's hot...
Rant, for some reason I was just thinking about how frigging long she's been on yahoo, too...yet it didn't disturb me quite as much...instead, I was thinking, I wonder what she's doing know? That's the difference between you and me I guess :)
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