Goodbye Cookie Monster: You Are Now A Pussy
My heart is racing right now. My girlfriend and I just concluded a long debate that turned into a full-blown argument over the Cookie Monster.
I was perusing Google News, while she read a book on the couch. "Oh no!" I whined when I read that the Cookie Monster, a Sesame Street character I've admired for years, is not going to be munching as many cookies. In fact, he is now going to be emphasizing healthier eating habits, along with the ultimate insult of his song, "'C' is for Cookie" being changed to "A Cookie Is A Sometimes Food." (italics mine)
Cookie Monster has gone from this:
To this:
My girlfriend, who works as a nanny for a 1.5 year old boy, opined on the benefits of the new and improved (in her narrow minded opinion) Cookie Monster, arguing that the child she watches often models the Cookie monster's behavior; he screams "COOKIE!" and tries to tear open the bag of Chips Ahoy.
Well, "no shit," I say. I did the same damn thing. Luckily, I had parents who taught me about eating healthier and even went as far as controlling what I ate and *gasp* what I watched on television. The Cookie Monster is a fun, hyper, crazy and I suppose non-PC creature. Or was this way, at least. "But there are so many more educational messages in cartoons these days, and I think it's an improvement," my girlfriend said (before the screaming commenced).
What's next? Oscar the Grouch living in a clean garbage can? Big Bird getting a beak reduction? I'm sorry, but a little danger, even in a Muppet, is appreciated. Vanilla is a tasty flavor, but not every damn day of the week, month, year and life. I'm sorry Mr. Cookie Monster, but they may as well put you on Ritalin next, just like so many parents do to medicate their kids for, well, acting like kids.
Things I didn't do because of un-politically correct children's programs and cartoons:
I was perusing Google News, while she read a book on the couch. "Oh no!" I whined when I read that the Cookie Monster, a Sesame Street character I've admired for years, is not going to be munching as many cookies. In fact, he is now going to be emphasizing healthier eating habits, along with the ultimate insult of his song, "'C' is for Cookie" being changed to "A Cookie Is A Sometimes Food." (italics mine)
Cookie Monster has gone from this:
To this:
My girlfriend, who works as a nanny for a 1.5 year old boy, opined on the benefits of the new and improved (in her narrow minded opinion) Cookie Monster, arguing that the child she watches often models the Cookie monster's behavior; he screams "COOKIE!" and tries to tear open the bag of Chips Ahoy.
Well, "no shit," I say. I did the same damn thing. Luckily, I had parents who taught me about eating healthier and even went as far as controlling what I ate and *gasp* what I watched on television. The Cookie Monster is a fun, hyper, crazy and I suppose non-PC creature. Or was this way, at least. "But there are so many more educational messages in cartoons these days, and I think it's an improvement," my girlfriend said (before the screaming commenced).
What's next? Oscar the Grouch living in a clean garbage can? Big Bird getting a beak reduction? I'm sorry, but a little danger, even in a Muppet, is appreciated. Vanilla is a tasty flavor, but not every damn day of the week, month, year and life. I'm sorry Mr. Cookie Monster, but they may as well put you on Ritalin next, just like so many parents do to medicate their kids for, well, acting like kids.
Things I didn't do because of un-politically correct children's programs and cartoons:
- I never thought I was a mechanical lion that could become a giant robot by joining with other mechanical lions.
- I never wore tight spandex to school.
- I never tried to make myself so angry that I turned into a rampaging green monster.
- I never tried to hunt down and kill small blue creatures, who often annoyingly used a single word as a noun, exclamation, adjective, adverb and all-around sentence level modifier.
- Screaming, "BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!" at the top of my lungs at inopportune moments.
- Saying, Th-th-th-th-th-th-That's all folks!" to my parents when it was time
to go to bed (obviously, a horrible cartoon that makes fun of people who stutter). - Making a cool device called a "Come Back Here" out of a coffee can, rubber bands and washers. (Who remembers this thing? Anyone?)
- Diving out of the way of the pretend slime I thought was going to hit me whenever I said the phrase, "I don't know."